life thoughts

There are a lot of things at the moment that I'm having to re evaluate. Mostly it's whether to stay and do a foundation in textiles or just to sod off to Uni such as Bristol or Birmingham and get away. I have ultimately wanted to return to a city lifestyle since I became a farmyard country bumpkin seven years ago. But also I'm just not sure whether I have a passion for anything. I know I'm good at English and could do a good but very dull English degree somewhere acceptable but at the same time I just won't enjoy myself because I don't enjoy it. With textiles, I love it but I also worryingly find myself hitting brick walls more and more at the moment and its more likely I will fail doing a degree in it somewhere. I just can't see myself being good enough to gain a successful career from it. I'ma lso not like the other textile students who wear nice clothes and follow fashion. I read the odd Elle magazine and live in hoodies and leggings. Its more idealistic for me to do a very boring English degree. More than anything I just want to escape and go to uni, I'm over my previous reservations about not being old enough.. (i will only just turn 18 if I do to uni)
An alternative option is a gap year abroad working with a charity. I would LOVE to go back to Africa and work with children and I know from experience that it will suit me well.

I feel I just needed to put this into writing whether anyone sees this or cares is irrelevant.